Seemingly every year there is a new crop of players added to the Washington Wizards bench:
Gary Neal and Alan Anderson beget Trey Burke and Marcus Thornton beget Jodie Meeks and Mike Scott.
Or, if you prefer front-court players, Kris Humphries and DeJuan Blair beget Jared Dudley and J.J. Hickson beget Ian Mahinmi and Andrew Nicholson.
Or, for the Wizards lifers, Francisco Oberto begets Yi Jianlin begets Ronnie Turiaf.
You get the idea.
But throughout this continual roster upheaval there is one constant: The Ernie Grunfeld introductory press release. The names change, but the press release template stays the same. It’s like Ernie’s quotes are drafted by a tank full of manatees with only three idea balls: “veteran” “versatility” “experience”.
In honor of this season’s new additions — Jodie Meeks, Mike Scott and Tim Frazier– TAI put together a fun summertime game: The Ernie Grunfeld Introductory Press Release Match Game.
The rules are simple — match the player with Ernie Grunfeld’s introductory quote — but it’s harder than you think. Print it out, share with friends and see how well you did on the scoresheet. *All identifying information has been redacted. Answer key at the bottom.
Jodie Meeks vs. Gary Neal
1.“_______ is a proven veteran who will bring us perimeter shooting and experience,” said Grunfeld. “Adding him to our rotation makes our backcourt rotation deeper and more versatile.”
2.“_______ will improve our backcourt rotation and fill a need with his scoring and shooting,” Grunfeld said. “He is an [X]-year veteran who has been a reliable player throughout his career, and we look forward to him bringing that stability to our bench.”
Ramon Sessions vs. Brandon Jennings vs. Andre Miller
3.“________ is a proven veteran who will bring an up-tempo style to our second unit and give us quickness, energy and defensive presence. He can make plays for himself as well as others and will help to solidify our bench as we head into the final 28 games of the season and the playoffs.
4. “________ is a proven veteran who brings [X] years of experience as a point guard, leader and distributor to solidify our second unit,” said Grunfeld. “He will be a valuable addition as we make our push over these last 28 games of the season to put ourselves in the best possible position.”
5.“________ gives us playmaking ability and experience at the guard position while adding another scoring option as well,” said Grunfeld. “His presence, along with the recent acquisition of [Player X] and the continued progression of [Player Y], will help our team as we continue our push towards the playoffs.”
DeJuan Blair vs. Ronnie Turiaf
6.“________ gives us a tough inside presence who can score and rebound at both front court positions,” Wizards President Ernie Grunfeld said in a statement. “His addition makes our bench even deeper and will allow us to be flexible with our lineups.”
7.“________ brings us a tough, inside presence and we’re looking forward to adding his defense and tenacity to our frontline,” said Wizards President Ernie Grunfeld. “This trade brings another solid veteran to our team along with additional assets in the form of draft picks and allows us to maintain our financial flexibility moving forward.”
Kris Humphries vs. J.J. Hickson
8.“________ is a proven veteran and will be a versatile addition to our frontcourt, giving us the option to use him as either a power forward or a center. His ability to run the floor, rebound and score from both inside and outside make him a good fit for our roster.
9.“________ gives us another solid veteran who will bring more depth to our front court,” Wizards team President Ernie Grunfeld said in the statement. “His experience, athletic ability and physical presence will be solid additions to our team as we continue our playoff push.”
Jared Dudley vs. Darius Songaila
10.“________ is a hard-nosed competitor,” said Grunfeld. “He has a good midrange jump-shot, he is an excellent free throw shooter and a very solid rebounder. _______ will add depth in the front court and he has knowledge and experience of our system.”
11. “________’s versatility and shooting ability will give us depth at both forward positions and allow us to use him in a variety of lineups,” said Grunfeld. “We are also looking forward to the leadership and veteran presence that he will bring both on the court.”
Bojan Bogdanovic vs. Mike Miller
12.“We are very excited to welcome [a] solid, proven veteran[] in __________ to Washington,” said Grunfeld. “________ is one of the NBA’s elite three-point shooters who can really stretch the defense and provide an all-around game.”
13.“________ is a very good shooter and a talented overall scorer whose versatility gives us an added dimension …” General Manager Ernie Grunfeld said in the release. “He is a proven starter that will provide us an added boost off the bench and allow us to be creative with our lineups.”
Marcus Thornton vs. Randy Foye
14.“________ has shown the ability to create scoring opportunities for himself and his teammates while providing excellent perimeter defense. [His] skills complement our core very well and [he] will provide a boost as we re-establish ourselves as a contender in the Eastern Conference.”
15. “________ brings experience and shooting to our backcourt and helps us fill a void caused by [Player X’s] injury with another veteran player,” Wizards General Manager Ernie Grunfeld said in the team’s press release. “His skill set will allow him to fit right in to our system and give our offense another option.”
Scoresheet:
0-3: Eric Maynor
4-7: Dominic McGuire
8-10: Antonio Daniels
11-13: Caron Butler
14-15: John Wall
Answer Key:
1. Gary Neal
2.Jodie Meeks
3.Ramon Sessions
4.Andre Miller
5.Brandon Jennings
6.DeJuan Blair
7.Ronnie Turiaf
8.Kris Humphries
9.J.J. Hickson
10.Darius Songaila
11.Jared Dudley
12.Mike Miller
13.Bojan Bogdanovic
14.Randy Foye
15.Marcus Thornton